Conflicts: The Why?

Call me analytical if you will but things in any relationship do not simply occur. They happen out of resentment and unmet needs. Things start out one way and somehow a conflict occurs. Then the apology. That is where the problem lies. How many people have a clue about what they are apologizing for? “I am sorry for saying what I said”. Thus is such a derailing of the “why” behind what was said. Obviously to anyone who has a modicum of insight, something from the past triggered an intense over the T-O-P comment and there, ¬†out in the open in all its ugly attire with a stench that could fill Yankee Stadium never to be able to be erased or withdrawn again is “The Comment”. Cannot take it back or sweep it under any Persian rug, its out there as indellible as any tatoo, forever inked into the flesh of that relationship. Then there is the subsequent scrambling to blame or displace ownership for the strench onto the other person who is now bestowed the title as “provocateur” minus the agent since this is not the KGB. Alternatively , it might as well be because one must be quite the secret agent to uncover the real reason for the comment.

And so it goes. Do we need a 12 Step program for people to take responsibility for what they say out of some archived parental disappointment? It would appear so.

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To My Way of Thinking

Attraction is such a subjective thing. What inspires us one day can be a turn off the next. Is that reasonable? Probably not. I always wonder why relationships end and what we can do to avert what seems to be impending doom and the resounding thud of gloom. Surely there is way to maintain attraction. If Thomas Edison can discover electricity can’t one maintain the ignition between two souls? The problem seems to conflict arising out of anxiety, the fear of loving the other person more or than one is loved? What does that mean anyway? Will one will be sentenced to rejection if they are the lover as opposed to whom is the love object? How does any of this work? What do people mean when they declare the dreaded sentence: “this isn’t working for me anymore?” What happened to make it not work anymore? Something had to happen. You met my needs once but not anymore? We need to feel what? Appreciated.

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